Month: September 2020

One of my distractions is to play backgammon on my phone. We all have our games, right? And this is not my only one, but it is my go-to game. I like playing this for two reasons. First, whether you win or lose, you always get to start over again. There is always another chance. And also, losing doesn’t hurt anyone. Who cares if I win or lose. It isn’t for a horse or a cow, as my ex-husband used to say.

I also have learned something about myself. I will admit to you that I don’t like to lose. I am stubborn, and I like to get my way. I can’t help but think, when I am losing, that the game is rigged. There is no way that my digital opponent could possibly get exactly the role that they needed to beat me in that exact moment if it wasn’t rigged, right? Of course I don’t feel that way when it happens to me, and if I am being fair, this happens at about the same rate for me and my opponent. 

So I use the game to help me handle losing more gracefully, or at least better. There is no one to resent. It also helps motivate me, because after a losing streak I don’t want to play anymore, and I get out of the chair and do something that needs to be done, like the dishes. 

In life there is plenty of winning and losing, but it seems to me that the stakes for winning or losing have never been higher. The level of anxiety on every side of every issue just seems so much more pressing, so much more weighty. And this has increased our collective anxiety, to the point where many of us are having trouble controlling it, trouble sleeping, uncertainty about what to do next. 

We need some solid coping skills here, because this generalized anxiety is going to be around for at least a few more months. So how do we manage this, and our emotions that feel like they are constantly swirling with hurricane force? How do we stay healthy in the midst of a pandemic of disease and dis-ease?

Start with the low hanging fruit—exercise, healthy food, enough rest. Make choices about how much news or Facebook you will consume each day. List some practical things you can accomplish to help you feel like you are making a difference. Sit down when you are really stressed and play a few games of backgammon.

I also think it is critical to count the loving and respected people in your life. Notice the good things that are happening. Broaden your scope, your view of the world. It can feel like its all bad if you aren’t careful about balance. Not that you shouldn’t be informed, and…look at the big picture. There are a lot of really exceptional people doing exceptional things.  Count your own blessings too. Perspective is critical right now. 

I don’t know what will happen in November. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Whatever it is I want to be in the best position possible to be a sign of love and hope and kindness in the world. We need to be our best selves right now. Pray for that!

These last few days have been so frustrating!  I sent in two grant applications that weren’t received so I have to start again, I had to wrestle with the copier and I lost, my bank messed up some automatic payments, our new secretary started and has to be trained (she is great but doesn’t know our particularities yet), and why is the water in my kitchen sink so slow?  I am afraid to start anything for fear of the next disaster. And then there is Covid…

These are all first world problems. There are no impending natural disasters and my life is actually filled with good things. But the question I have been wrestling with is how this frustration at little things enflames the big things that are happening in the world. And if the little things are getting me mad, what would happen if there was a big thing?

I see the anger on the news each day. People protesting, people rioting. I read that 93% of all protests are peaceful, but they aren’t what we see covered by the media. We see the raw anger, we see people stirring up trouble. And we can all agree that destroying a small business doesn’t solve the problem. 

However I have been wondering how I would respond if my child was murdered, or if my body was altered without my consent, or if my child was taken away from me for no reason. I would be furious. What would I do? What would you do?

It is easy to judge another’s anger, another’s rage. It is also easy to be scared by it. So much harder to try to sit for a moment in the desperation and extreme grief that would cause someone to legitimately lose control. (I am not talking about troublemakers trying to tarnish one side or another.) 

Jesus got so mad he flipped the tables. Not every time he got mad. And that doesn’t make it right. But what would it take for me to flip the tables?  What would it take for you?  Maybe we need to open our hearts to that level of pain, just to try to understand. Maybe if we cared enough about why violence was happening, it wouldn’t be necessary. 

I spent a lot of time thinking about whether I should write anything this week. Recent revelations in the news have made me angrier. And I had to really pray about the actual message here, because the anger is so fierce and the feeling of betrayal so raw. I have spent the last four years advocating nonviolence and kindness and dialogue, and the Gospel this week is on forgiveness. You hate to ruin all of that good effort in one reckless blog.

So I decided that this is my message this week: vote. Make sure your name is on the voter rolls, and if not register. Plan your strategy and give yourself enough time to make sure it is effective. Talk to people about voting. Offer a ride to the polls to someone who is homebound. Voting is the duty of all citizens. 

Democracy requires active commitment, showing up, participation. We cannot abdicate our responsibility. We cannot trust others to represent us accurately. We need to speak the truth and our conscience, with kindness but without fear. 

All I can say is, vote.

I am reading YA (young adult) novels to pick one for our next book discussion, curated by one of our middle school teachers. I was hoping we could have more of an intergenerational representation, help our young people to feel included. And it expands my view of what is going on. I really don’t have any young adults in my home any more. So listening is important.

The first book I read was about a tragic event that included a Black teenager and a White genderqueer person. The book I am reading now is about a Latina teenager. Both detail the struggles of daily life, the challenges, the stereotypes, the cruelty, the imperfect families. And, the strengths, the friendships and support, the intelligence, and the resilience. 

I am deeply moved and disturbed by how hard life is for young people. So complicated, so tricky. Maybe it has always been that way. I think back to my own advantaged, protected, imperfect but mostly safe teen years. I made some significant mistakes. But my context was such that I could survive them, learn from them, become more certain of who I want to be from them. My context was such that one bad choice wasn’t the end of hope. 

The uncertainties and bad examples of our time only complicates the world of young adults. My GenX/Boomer view might be that they have it easy, that adulthood is harder. It is easy to judge when you don’t know. I think these days we all have it hard.

Just as I have been encouraging the church to reach beyond its comfort zone in terms of race and economic status, we have to expand our knowledge and acceptance of young people. They are challenged and tested in ways we can’t imagine and so they bring a wisdom we need to hear. They will call us when we are hypocritical, and might be bored by our predictability. But they have told me they value experience, they value everyone’s story, and they want safe and accepting community. 

The Body of Christ is a body of love, compassion and inclusion. Let’s be sure we are including all people in our vision of that, because God is.