This morning I stood in front of my jewelry box and held in one hand a lovely silver cross. In the other was a bead that a friend had made, strung on a black rope. Which to wear?
For several years I have been moving away from cross necklaces. At first I embraced them as an advertisement of my being Christian. I want the world to know. I am not ashamed of the Gospel. But as the loudest expression of Christianity moves farther away from what I believe, I have become more inclined to let my life be an example rather than my wardrobe choices. I want my actions and intentions to point people to God without any confusion about what positions I take or my political party.
For a while, I prayed about wearing the cross as a reminder, almost a yoke. When I wore one, I was reminded whose I was. I was reminded to be an offering, a sacrifice. I also like to hold it when I pray. The cross is a constant and gentle reminder to make good choices, to choose compassion and love. I figured if I am going to wear it, I will strive to live it. But then am I off the hook when I take it off? Does my accountability depend on my fashion choices?
What nags at me is that the cross is an instrument of torture. To make it into jewelry is to dilute the harshest of realities. Jesus bled on that cross, endured untold pain on that cross, felt the depths of rejection on that cross. I don’t know if the place to ponder that is in an expensive, gold, dangling replica.
This week’s reading from Hebrews (13:1-8) says that we should remember those who are being tortured as if we ourselves were being tortured, among other things. When you wear a cross are you offering yourself to that? People all over the world and in our very city are being tortured one way or another every day. Some of them for what they believe, some of them for being who God created them to be. What does my cross say to them? How do I offer myself as a sacrifice? Am I willing to suffer on this cross?
Maybe I’m just cranky because it’s the end of the summer, but this is what I started my day thinking about. What is the best way to express my intention to love and follow Jesus? What do you think?