The Voices of St. Johns Youngstown

This week the Province V campus ministers gathered for their annual meeting, virtually of course. Of all the groups I belong to, they are the most fun. We laugh and celebrate and they have incredibly wonderful and innovative ideas. This year, however, it was a more subdued gathering. We were all tired, anxious, and overwhelmed. Between Covid and the elections, everyone was rough around the edges. 

So we talked about it. Our speaker was a priest and mental health professional. She outlined for us the physical toll that the stress we are all under has on us. Not just priests, all of us. She reminded us that the stress we experience is carried in our bodies. And if we aren’t intentional about letting it go, it stays with us, eating away at our mental and physical health. 

As the Covid season stretches on endlessly, and new decisions about how to stay safe and function in the world have to be made every day, it is important to remember that you aren’t crazy, you aren’t lazy, you aren’t unusual. You, all of us, have been under an enormous amount of hyper-anxiety that only seems to be getting worse. One woman said how she has broken two teeth in the last 8 months, and her dentist said he sees 3-4 broken teeth per day from clenching and grinding. The effects are real. 

And do you know the best news of all? The easiest and most effective way to get rid of the effects of stress is to drink water!! A lot of water, but still. How easy is that?  Breathing exercises, making one small decision at a time, and distracting yourself are also helpful. There are healthy ways to cope. We have to practice them, incorporate them into our lives.

Another important thing to remember is that we are all struggling here, so we need to hold things lightly. Be kind, be flexible, be understanding. The stress of the upcoming election has brought out the worst in so many of us. Be careful and cut everyone some slack. Life is hard for everyone. 

Be aware of the toll this time takes on all of us, take good care of yourself and stay calm. This is turning into an ultra-marathon, and we all want to make it through alive. We can’t do it alone though. Treat everyone (and yourself) as though they are precious. 

I’d like to tell you a story about a young man that ran away from a placement.  I was visiting my husband at work one day.  He is a police chief in a small town, and we were having coffee in his office.  A call came in about a young man who’d run away from his residential placement across the county from us.  Howard said “why don’t you ride along with me while we look for this kid….we never find them anyway.”  So I scooped up my coffee and drove with him while we went looking for this teenager.  We drove around Smithville, which is only a mile square, and didn’t see this child anywhere, so headed back to the police department.  Howard got a call saying the young man turned himself into one of the graineries in town, so we turned around and picked him up and put him in the back of the cruiser.  Now, he had runaway the night before, and had crossed fields and creeks (where there are no streetlights) and was cold and wet and hungry.  So, I’m a mom- I went to the gas station across the street to get him a sandwich and chips, a big brownie and a drink.  When I got back, he was shivering, so I went to my car and got a big, thick beach towel and wrapped it around him to try to warm him up.

I left to go back to my office, and then this kid’s mother showed up at the police department.  This kid went nuts!!  He was fighting and doing everything he could to get at his mother, who was on the other side of the door.  My husband fought him for a good 15- 20 minutes, before he got him under control.  Turns out, the kid had called his mother to come meet him at the Dollar General store in town, so he could kill her with the knife he’d brought along for that purpose.

So, let’s talk about Matthew’s Gospel.  In it, we hear:  “Teacher, we know that you are sincere, and teach the way of God in accordance with truth, and show deference to no one; for you do not regard people with partiality.” ….but we want to know “Is it lawful to pay taxes to the Emperor?”  I read a commentary about this passage that described the Pharisees as actively opposed to the Roman Empire that was in charge at this time; and the Herodains didn’t necessarily agree with the Empire but worked with it (obviously to their own benefit.)  Both groups were united in their dislike of Jesus, so aimed to trip Him up with this question.  They are unlikely teammates against Him.

Then He goes on to answer them:  “Give to the emperor the things that are the emperor’s, and to God the things that are God’s”  

 I want to talk about what we are to give to God?  What do we give to God right now?  Present day?  What do we give to God during this season of deep division of strife and anguish, hurt and sorrow?

Even the Pharisees and Herodians could see that Jesus played no favorites, but treated everyone from the tax collectors and prostitutes to people with high social standing equally.

They themselves recognize the differences in social rank of these people, because they point out the social differences.  With Jesus treating everyone equally, He started this revolution which He named the Kingdom of God.  He told us time and again that all were welcome into the Kingdom.

Our own Baptismal covenant tells us we are now “marked as Christ’s own forever”  So when Jesus says give to God the things that are God’s, one of the things He is talking about is US.  All of us.  Give ourselves to God.  When even the Pharisees know that Jesus does not treat some people better than others, then we know He is calling US to do the same.

When we recognize that even the kids who want to kill their mothers are God’s children…that means everyone is included in being God’s children, then we know how we are called to treat God’s children.  Even tax collectors should be treated with love as God’s children.  Even Democrats and Republicans and everyone in between should be treated as God’s children.

We need to see Jesus in people.  We need to show Jesus to people in ourselves.

That young man in my husband’s office…even when he couldn’t see the Jesus in himself, he needed me to see it in him.  Even when I hear someone call me names and try to insult me, I need to try to see the Jesus in him.  That’s what this is all about.  We are all flawed- we are all in this together and no one gets out aliv

I want people to see- I hope people can see- the Jesus in me…because through all my flaws and mistakes, I know I have Jesus in me.  Sometimes people may have a hard time seeing Him in me, but He will always succeed even in my failures.  I am called to see the Jesus in other people, because they are all children of God.  I work with a lot of different people- addicts, abusers, victims, alcoholics, women, children, men- and Jesus is in all of them.

Look at the people in your homes (if you are watching this on video) and look at your neighbors in this building, and then think about all your neighbors whoever they are.  They are God’s children.  All. Of. Them.  Many of us know the problems that are facing people in our society.  I bet many of us can agree on what those problems are, and we may disagree on how to solve those problems.  But none of that stops us from serving God and our community by serving the Jesus in them. By giving to God that which is His.

I’m going to paraphrase the reading from Isaiah a little.  In it God says:  “You may not know who I am!!   I have stripped kings of their power; I have leveled mountains! I have broken the iron in the bars; I have destroyed brass gates!  And God says I will do these things because  I know you by name.  This is not the only person God knows by name.  He knows all of His children by name.

There is a popular saying:  “Won’t He Do It!  When folks are praising God. “Won’t He Do It!”  What we know from all of these readings is that He is with us…He loves us…He knows us by name… He levels mountains for us….He loves Joe Biden and Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi and you and me….

we need to find common ground and work together…and Won’t He Do it!!

This is not about singing kumbaya around a camp fire, although I’m down with that if anyone wants to do that!  There are serious issues we have to face, and we have an election coming that threatens to divide our country if we let it… BUT

We have to remember that God is bigger than all of this.

We have to remember we are all God’s children.

We have to remember He levels mountains for us.

We have to remember that Jesus loves everyone including tax collectors, and people of different political parties, 

We have to see Jesus in people even when they cannot see it themselves, and sometimes we have to believe in Jesus in us, even when we have a hard time seeing Him in us.

Let us take the hopeful and joyous words of Psalm 96 and keep them with us.  Let us spend our time sharing those words of hope with people we know and like, and the people we don’t know, and people we don’t like. 

Let us give to God, that which is His.

Let us go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

Amen.

It’s 2020. So of course the minute we plan to open the church for indoor services the Covid rate soars. People are expressing their reasonable concern about this, and the answer is that we are going to take it one week at a time. 

But in general the only way reopening is going to work is if we cooperate, and my biggest worry is that people will not make reservations for the services. We have to control the numbers in a fair way, and the best way to do that is a reservation system, which members will receive by email next week. If you aren’t on the list, you can’t come to church. That just sounds so harsh to me, but it is the way to keep everyone safe. 

I have tried to compensate for this by having multiple services, trying to accommodate all needs. Please recognize that we want you to come to church, we miss you! And if someone isn’t online, they can call the office and we will make a reservation for you. Just be sure to talk to a person and not just leave a message. 

Of course, if you are sick, or anxious about getting sick, please stay home! We want you to feel comfortable, and if the timing isn’t right for you, that is OK. We will continue to offer the 10:30 service on Facebook Live so you can join us virtually for worship. Please make good choices about staying safe. 

Plan on this as we re-open—plan to make a reservation every week, plan to wear a mask, plan to socially distance in the pews, plan to receive communion only with hosts, plan on not singing, and plan on washing your hands a lot. Which is to say, this will not be going back to the way it was.

And… won’t it be amazing to be back together??!!  Won’t it be such a gift to worship as a congregation in one place??!! Won’t it be a joy to join our voices in prayer??!!  I really can’t wait. 

Please do your part to make this work with a spirit of flexibility and care for all our members and acknowledgement of the blessing this church is in our lives. Thank you!! 

I bought a new couch back in July. It was time for that old, brown, disgusting sofa bed to go. I ended up giving the sofa bed to a woman on the Facebook marketplace who had purchased new living room furniture, gave away her old stuff, and lost her job the next day so had to cancel the order for the new purchases. She was so relieved to have something to sit on, and I was happy the sofa that had served us through raising six children had a new purpose. 

My new loveseat, blue, finally came yesterday. It took that long to arrive. I guess furniture factories are not essential services, and I understand. It looks great, it is very comfortable, and I have this deep desire to cover it with a sheet to protect it like my mother would.

They say you become your parents, and I have been noticing this for a while. But I think the deeper issue is fear of change. I don’t want anything to happen to that loveseat, I want it to stay new-looking forever. That isn’t bad in itself. I paid a lot of money for it. But to what lengths am I willing to go to avoid change?

All of us have been raised with certain values and expectations. We have been socialized to believe what is good and what is bad. Challenging and changing those ideas are hard and most of us like to avoid that. But it leads to stereotypes and inaccuracies that we don’t even realize we need to challenge.

For example, I can’t survive without community. But I have been taught to value individualism, to go after my own needs and wants before all others, and to care about myself first. Most of us have. It isn’t healthy, helpful or practical, but we have been steeped in individualism. Usually it doesn’t even occur to us to challenge that, or to forge a new way.

It is the same with attitudes toward race. As a white person, I was raised to glorify whiteness, to see my skin tone as “normal” and “the ideal.” My white-centric way of seeing the world isn’t something I ever have to question or think about if I choose. And yet, it isn’t the “norm” or the only or the best. And when we foster attitudes and practices that try to keep it the way we have been socialized, that is racism. And it impacts people, hurts people, every day. 

As much as we don’t like to change, and as much as we think we have had all the challenge we can take for 2020, many of the things we don’t even question have disastrous consequences. They promote racism and division. They give us the excuse not to call ourselves racist or work to change any of our personal behaviors. They allow us to be comfortable and feel safe in a world where that is not true for most people.

Change is needed. It has to start in our own hearts. And we cannot be afraid.

One of my distractions is to play backgammon on my phone. We all have our games, right? And this is not my only one, but it is my go-to game. I like playing this for two reasons. First, whether you win or lose, you always get to start over again. There is always another chance. And also, losing doesn’t hurt anyone. Who cares if I win or lose. It isn’t for a horse or a cow, as my ex-husband used to say.

I also have learned something about myself. I will admit to you that I don’t like to lose. I am stubborn, and I like to get my way. I can’t help but think, when I am losing, that the game is rigged. There is no way that my digital opponent could possibly get exactly the role that they needed to beat me in that exact moment if it wasn’t rigged, right? Of course I don’t feel that way when it happens to me, and if I am being fair, this happens at about the same rate for me and my opponent. 

So I use the game to help me handle losing more gracefully, or at least better. There is no one to resent. It also helps motivate me, because after a losing streak I don’t want to play anymore, and I get out of the chair and do something that needs to be done, like the dishes. 

In life there is plenty of winning and losing, but it seems to me that the stakes for winning or losing have never been higher. The level of anxiety on every side of every issue just seems so much more pressing, so much more weighty. And this has increased our collective anxiety, to the point where many of us are having trouble controlling it, trouble sleeping, uncertainty about what to do next. 

We need some solid coping skills here, because this generalized anxiety is going to be around for at least a few more months. So how do we manage this, and our emotions that feel like they are constantly swirling with hurricane force? How do we stay healthy in the midst of a pandemic of disease and dis-ease?

Start with the low hanging fruit—exercise, healthy food, enough rest. Make choices about how much news or Facebook you will consume each day. List some practical things you can accomplish to help you feel like you are making a difference. Sit down when you are really stressed and play a few games of backgammon.

I also think it is critical to count the loving and respected people in your life. Notice the good things that are happening. Broaden your scope, your view of the world. It can feel like its all bad if you aren’t careful about balance. Not that you shouldn’t be informed, and…look at the big picture. There are a lot of really exceptional people doing exceptional things.  Count your own blessings too. Perspective is critical right now. 

I don’t know what will happen in November. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Whatever it is I want to be in the best position possible to be a sign of love and hope and kindness in the world. We need to be our best selves right now. Pray for that!

These last few days have been so frustrating!  I sent in two grant applications that weren’t received so I have to start again, I had to wrestle with the copier and I lost, my bank messed up some automatic payments, our new secretary started and has to be trained (she is great but doesn’t know our particularities yet), and why is the water in my kitchen sink so slow?  I am afraid to start anything for fear of the next disaster. And then there is Covid…

These are all first world problems. There are no impending natural disasters and my life is actually filled with good things. But the question I have been wrestling with is how this frustration at little things enflames the big things that are happening in the world. And if the little things are getting me mad, what would happen if there was a big thing?

I see the anger on the news each day. People protesting, people rioting. I read that 93% of all protests are peaceful, but they aren’t what we see covered by the media. We see the raw anger, we see people stirring up trouble. And we can all agree that destroying a small business doesn’t solve the problem. 

However I have been wondering how I would respond if my child was murdered, or if my body was altered without my consent, or if my child was taken away from me for no reason. I would be furious. What would I do? What would you do?

It is easy to judge another’s anger, another’s rage. It is also easy to be scared by it. So much harder to try to sit for a moment in the desperation and extreme grief that would cause someone to legitimately lose control. (I am not talking about troublemakers trying to tarnish one side or another.) 

Jesus got so mad he flipped the tables. Not every time he got mad. And that doesn’t make it right. But what would it take for me to flip the tables?  What would it take for you?  Maybe we need to open our hearts to that level of pain, just to try to understand. Maybe if we cared enough about why violence was happening, it wouldn’t be necessary. 

I spent a lot of time thinking about whether I should write anything this week. Recent revelations in the news have made me angrier. And I had to really pray about the actual message here, because the anger is so fierce and the feeling of betrayal so raw. I have spent the last four years advocating nonviolence and kindness and dialogue, and the Gospel this week is on forgiveness. You hate to ruin all of that good effort in one reckless blog.

So I decided that this is my message this week: vote. Make sure your name is on the voter rolls, and if not register. Plan your strategy and give yourself enough time to make sure it is effective. Talk to people about voting. Offer a ride to the polls to someone who is homebound. Voting is the duty of all citizens. 

Democracy requires active commitment, showing up, participation. We cannot abdicate our responsibility. We cannot trust others to represent us accurately. We need to speak the truth and our conscience, with kindness but without fear. 

All I can say is, vote.

I am reading YA (young adult) novels to pick one for our next book discussion, curated by one of our middle school teachers. I was hoping we could have more of an intergenerational representation, help our young people to feel included. And it expands my view of what is going on. I really don’t have any young adults in my home any more. So listening is important.

The first book I read was about a tragic event that included a Black teenager and a White genderqueer person. The book I am reading now is about a Latina teenager. Both detail the struggles of daily life, the challenges, the stereotypes, the cruelty, the imperfect families. And, the strengths, the friendships and support, the intelligence, and the resilience. 

I am deeply moved and disturbed by how hard life is for young people. So complicated, so tricky. Maybe it has always been that way. I think back to my own advantaged, protected, imperfect but mostly safe teen years. I made some significant mistakes. But my context was such that I could survive them, learn from them, become more certain of who I want to be from them. My context was such that one bad choice wasn’t the end of hope. 

The uncertainties and bad examples of our time only complicates the world of young adults. My GenX/Boomer view might be that they have it easy, that adulthood is harder. It is easy to judge when you don’t know. I think these days we all have it hard.

Just as I have been encouraging the church to reach beyond its comfort zone in terms of race and economic status, we have to expand our knowledge and acceptance of young people. They are challenged and tested in ways we can’t imagine and so they bring a wisdom we need to hear. They will call us when we are hypocritical, and might be bored by our predictability. But they have told me they value experience, they value everyone’s story, and they want safe and accepting community. 

The Body of Christ is a body of love, compassion and inclusion. Let’s be sure we are including all people in our vision of that, because God is.

My oldest grandson has started Kindergarten. We have been anticipating this for a while: taking him out to buy scissors and crayons, talking about learning to read as a necessary prelude to becoming a paleontologist, giving tips for riding the bus. Of course, no one knew exactly how school would be until last week, and now we know it is in person. And so I am terrified, even as I deeply respect the hard decisions everyone has had to make. 

I called him after his first day. Grandma, he said, there is a huuuuge playground, and we got to go twice to play!!! Twice Grandma!!! As he showed me his dinosaur lunchbox, it was clear that recess will be his favorite class. His innocent excitement warmed my heart. His parents have done a great job managing anxiety and promoting things that are helpful, like wearing a mask and liberal use of sanitizer.

As I come to terms with the pros and cons of in school learning it is clear to me that the only way it will work is if everyone, and I mean everyone, cooperates. If everyone wears a mask, if everyone stays home when they are sick, if everyone washes hands regularly, and all the other precautions. I ask myself how I can be sure that everyone in that school will see my grandson as precious, will see him as I see him—irreplaceable.

But I also have to acknowledge that this pandemic is wearing on me. I am grateful that I no longer have to wash my groceries and I am reasonably assured that take out for supper is OK. I also know that I used to disinfect my house every day and I don’t do that now. I am a relentless mask wearer, but many times I get out of the car and realize half way to my destination that I have forgotten the mask in the car and have to give myself a pep talk to walk back to get it. I am not as careful, not as sharp, even though I know we haven’t even made it out of Phase 1. 

So now I have a new focus, and that is my grandson. I use him to remember that everyone is someone’s grandson, that everyone is precious to someone. It motivates me to remember to be cautious, to socially distance, to not take chances with other people’s lives or my own. I have to rely on people in Indiana, where my little guy lives, to protect him. And it is hard for me, really hard, to trust them. And I remember that someone from Indiana, or wherever, is trusting me, counting on my behavior to protect their beloved. 

Maybe it is an occupational hazard that I see death a lot, I see illness a lot. I see the devastation of loss on a regular basis. And senseless loss is the worst. It is senseless loss when our loved ones and neighbor’s get sick because someone else couldn’t bother to be careful. We must rely on science. We must be proactive in our precautions. We can’t let our guard down. COVID 19 is real, it is deadly and it has killed 170,000 in our country as of this writing. 

You don’t know my grandson. He is amazing. Please wear a mask, practice safety, and invest yourself intentionally in the common good.

I am saddened by the lack of civility in our country. I realize that it shouldn’t surprise me. I should be used to it, if not immune. But it still catches me by surprise sometimes, like a stubbed toe. You are not expecting pain, but suddenly it is there. 

The other day, the Governor of Ohio was thought to have tested positive with Covid. There were people who expressed sorrow and offered prayers. And there were people who gloated and poked fun. “See how far wearing masks got him”. So unnecessary.

First a reminder: I do not wear masks to protect myself from you. I wear masks to protect you from me. It doesn’t stop me from getting the infection unless everyone wears one. By wearing a mask I am making a statement about my care for the common good, my willingness to be temporarily inconvenienced because other people matter to me. That a priest or a governor would wear a mask is also good leadership, modeling healthy and appropriate behavior. Honoring science. 

If you are a follower of Jesus, you are fueled by compassion. You love your neighbor as you would the person most precious to you. You do not hold up people’s pain or misfortune to mock them. You pray for their good, their health, their family. If you don’t like someone, you strive to learn to love them. And you are always gracious. 

Now I know that I am not always like that, so I don’t expect perfection from anyone else. I get mad, I say mean things, I judge. The point is not to be perfect, it is to strive to be our best selves. So I understand when people get snarky on Facebook, but I don’t like it or appreciate it.

Let’s try especially hard as political tensions heighten to stay focused on issues, to debate substance, and to treat even people we do not like with kindness. Let’s remember that it isn’t about me, doing what I want, getting my way or being right. It’s about compassion and love. And that takes practice, practice, practice.