The Voices of St. Johns Youngstown

Being able to walk outside is such a gift! I have been nursing a bad back/hip for a while and have missed fresh air. Now the mornings are cool and the flowers are still blooming, and I am appreciating the ability to walk before work more than ever. We have to enjoy it while we have it.

The experience has moved me to pray. In the spirit of the weekly walks for peace that have been happening on Sunday afternoons around the city, I have started praying for my neighbors. It is amazing what you notice when you pay attention. 

I pray for the kids who left out their toys or are waiting for the bus. I pray for the adults who are mowing their lawn or taking out the garbage. I rejoice in the new car or the home improvement project. I worry when the lawn hasn’t been mowed for awhile or there hasn’t been much activity. 

I pray for the person who threw their trash on the sidewalk, who was obviously ill, who is walking aimlessly because they have nowhere to go. I greet every person I pass with enthusiasm, and pray for them on their way. 

Mostly I pray for peace, for my neighbors, for our city, for the world. We need to notice our neighbors, and be relentless in our prayer for peace and nonviolence. Join me!

I had to go to a local store to get paperwork to pay for the installation of a purchase. I went to the customer service desk, figuring they would know the process. They sent me back to the plumbing department to get the paperwork.

There were two people at the desk in plumbing. They both said that they couldn’t help me. When I protested that I was following instructions, one of them gave me that look men give to women who are being what they consider unreasonable. I hate that look and told him not to talk down to me. Things spiraled from there and I walked away.

I went to the customer service desk, found the woman who sent me and told her I wanted the paperwork. After multiple explanations I was told to go back to plumbing and a manager would help me. I said no. So they found me a manager at customer service who could figure it out. 

It took a while, and in the meantime one of the people from plumbing came to check in and “make sure I was OK”. When it was done, the manager said she would take care of the person in plumbing who was rude to me. When I said times are tough and that wasn’t necessary, I was told there was no excuse for rudeness. They are supposed to make me happy. 

Which one of the people in this story is Black? What makes you think so? 

I work really hard to not be a part of racist behavior or systems. This one was a failure on my part. I am not sure how to fix it except to speak the truth about it. 

Groundhogs. I hate them. Don’t bother telling me they are cute. I have them at church and in my backyard, and they are destructive beasts. I have witnessed the efforts to rid the church of them, including an undisclosed person in camo staging a surprise raid. They persist. 

So there has been some tough talk around ridding both yards of groundhogs. If they all died tomorrow, I would not mourn. Who are their natural predators? I had better never see one face to face. They would be sorry!

So of course, the other day a groundhog ran right out in front of my car when I was going the legal speed limit, making it hard to miss. For a split second the animal’s life hung in the balance. But not because of me. I slammed on the brakes, and amazingly did not hit it.

Immediately I thought, some tough talker you are. And I spent some time realizing the violence that finds its way into my words. I would never kill an animal on purpose, but I talk like it. So I am resolved to change that. To say what I mean, to be careful of the words I use, and not to engage in violent language even when I am angry. I need to be reminded of that regularly.

We use violent language because it makes us feel powerful. It is saturated in our daily lives, in the news we consume and the programs we watch. So much of what we say we don’t even think about or reflect on. As a Christian I want to be more aware and more intentional. 

In a broader sense I was thinking how hard it is to live in peace with nature. I want to be a good steward of the environment, and I work hard on that. I keep some of my back yard untended so that wildlife can find a refuge. I am careful about what I consume and how it affects the environment. But I realize I want the wildlife that I want, and not groundhogs, rodents or mosquitos.

It is a discipline to live in peace with God’s creation, and we all need to pray more about that, how we live into that. I will never love groundhogs. Ever. But they are my neighbor, and as long as that lasts I have to be at peace with that.

One of the most important lessons a child can learn is not how to succeed, but how to fail. I know that sounds counterintuitive. We want children to have plenty of examples and opportunities to learn how to live a good and happy life. That is important. We also want our children to admire us, and think we are wise.  And we are human, so we make mistakes, we make bad choices, we all inevitably fail. 

The example of how to do that well, how deal with the inevitable pitfalls in life in a way that shows character, that is a lesson that needs to be learned. Our children need to learn humility, how to make amends, how to genuinely express remorse and to do better next time. They need to learn how to earn the forgiveness of others and become better for it. None of this is fun. But we all know people who have not learned these lessons. And we probably don’t like them. 

Such hard work, but critical to becoming human. People who model this are the people that I want as friends, people who ask for forgiveness, and people who are gracious enough to realize that we all make mistakes and to forgive me when I deserve it. These are the people we also want as our leaders.

It makes sense that we need to learn these things not only as individuals in our relationships and work, but also as a society and a country. We look to history to show us leaders who have done well, who inspire us, who have lead with strength of character. We also see people who we do not admire, who have lead us where we should not have gone. I know that opinions will differ but we can agree that history teaches us valuable lessons about people and policies, and that mistakes have been made.

So when it comes to teaching history, we have to be honest with our children. They have the right to know about racism, about the Holocaust, about the struggles for justice among minorities and women. How will they be able to even form an opinion if they don’t know the truth as we currently understand it? Our children need to be prepared to be citizens as well as leaders, and they deserve to be respected as the intelligent and inquisitive people they are. Our children will not be ready to function in our complicated world if they are not grounded in reality. Mistakes have been made. We don’t have to make them again.

We may be concerned about interpretation. I had a professor in college who was highly charismatic, an excellent teacher, and had definite political and religious opinions. He asked me to dinner one time to try to understand my faith. He wasn’t trying to talk me out of it, he just didn’t understand it. We had a wonderful discussion that helped me come to clarity about some of my beliefs. It didn’t threaten me or God that I talked about it. In fact, I left the discussion proud of the way I had held my own, and I know the professor admired me for that as well.

We are not threatened when our children learn about systemic racism. In fact, it might help us gain some clarity about the history of institutional racism in our country. Maybe when our grandchildren talk about what they are learning, we can see ways to be an ally we had not considered. There is history and current reality that we would all benefit from knowing more about. Maybe we will stop making the same mistakes.

We don’t have to be afraid of letting teachers do the wonderful job of teaching that they do. We don’t have to legislate what they say. We don’t need to prove anyone’s loyalty or right belief. We do have to trust one another, listen, be willing to learn ourselves. We have to commit to making our world better, not continuing the oppression. 

Have you noticed that you can’t find canning jar lids anywhere this year? I had been looking for weeks at any store I went to. Someone finally said that they are impossible to get and would not be available this year. I had already made strawberry sauce and blueberry/lemon/lavender jam, so my stash of lids was thin. 

However, I am a woman of the 21^st century and not opposed to ordering online. So I went to the website of the manufacturer and ordered enough for the rest of the season. I haven’t even started tomatoes yet. I expected to receive them in time to make some onion jam the next weekend.

You know how the various places you order from send you tracking information? Well, I went to track this package after I hadn’t heard anything for a time, and I was shocked that the tracking started in China. That had never happened before. In fact, it never occurred to me that some of what I buy is manufactured in other countries. I know it’s true, I had just never thought about it.

Let me say it takes a long time to get things from China, about a month in this case. And I took that time to contemplate what I buy, if I need it, and where it comes from. I consume my food with awareness. I try hard to shop local. And if there is a “made in America” choice, even if it is a little more expensive, I buy it to support my neighbors. 

But clearly there is a lot I am not thinking about or educating myself on, and I feel the need to pay more attention. Would we change what we order or even want if we knew what went in to making it, where it was made, its impact on people and the environment? I am working on it.

Who would have thought that canning jar lids were such a complicated thing? I am realizing that everything is complicated if I am paying attention. 

The rise in the number of murders in our community is alarming. Many good people are considering how best to respond. How do we as a city, a culture, impress upon young people how precious life is? How do we help them to see the value in nonviolent ways of problem solving? How do we get them involved in solutions that will make our community stronger?

These are all critical questions, and I am grateful for those who are trying to find ways to answer them. However, if we are going to be successful in creating a more peaceful city, we have to look at a bigger picture and ask ourselves some hard questions.

Primarily, how are we modeling respect for life, every life, in our community?

People move to violence when they are desperate. Violence is rarely the first choice or the preferred option. People choose violence because they have tried other ways, because they are tired of the way things are, because they have nothing to lose.

Imagine that for a moment, a life that is so hard, so desperate, that you have nothing to lose.

I don’t have that life. I hope you don’t either. And because of that, it is hard to walk in those shoes. But certainly we have heard the pieces that add up to this. We know the poverty level in this city is outrageously high. Some of our neighbors live without basic services. The pandemic has only made things worse. Racism makes things worse. How long do you have to live in extreme poverty to become desperate?

We know that there are very few options for buying food in our city. You have to drive to the suburbs for good food in most cases, and if you don’t have a car, if you can’t drive because of health conditions, if the one car in your family is claimed by the person who is working, what do you do? The bus is a good option, if you don’t have small children or a disability, if you have time to wait. How long do you have to live without access to healthy food to become desperate?

There are other problems in our community that are also easy to overlook, or to say we are working on. Promises are made, initiatives are started, small successes are celebrated. Good work is being done. But if you are poor in this city, and so many people are, it is a tough life. And if that life is all you have known, if you have been raised in desperation, than despair and nothing to lose are not far behind.

I want the young people in our community to know they are cared about not because we are afraid of them, but because we value them. And we show we value them by making sure they are well cared for. We show they matter by listening and including them in solutions that work. 

Let’s be careful as we try to solve the problem of violence that we are listening, and then acting on what will make a tangible difference in the lives of our fellow citizens. We must address the reasons for desperation and offer real hope. 

On occasion I am asked to help with a parish that is in the process of hiring their next priest, and recently I was able to do a mock interview with a parish in the diocese who is going to start receiving names and wanted some practice. It is actually pretty fun to talk about the good things happening at St. John’s and give them some feedback about their questions. 

One way or another I am always asked about the future of the church. There is a real anxiety in big and small congregations about what is coming. And every time I say that the future of the church is fabulous. That there is every possibility for good things to come. That there is no reason not to grow. There is plenty of good work to do. 

In response, I see a mixture of relief and skepticism. Like someone is going to tell them they are failing because they think in some way that they are failing. And when I don’t say that, they don’t quite believe it. So I explain. We have to work for it, of course. We have to pray, to follow God’s call, to be out in our neighborhood being good neighbors. We have to be joyful, have worship that people want to come to, and be welcoming. It isn’t handed to us. Like all good things, community happens because we work at  it.

This parish I spoke to is delightful, and they will be fine. And St. John’s is a gem, and we will also be all that God is calling us to be. It takes intention, and an open heart. God gives us the gifts we need. And as I start my 8^th year here, I am more convinced than ever that all will be well. If we keep God in our hearts and use Jesus as our example, we will be effective signs of God’s love. 

Join me in being grateful for all we have, and hopeful for all that will be. 

As I prepare for summer travels, I have been surprised by the number of people who ask me if I am afraid to travel alone. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend who listed all the dangers of one of the places I will visit. And last week someone wanted to discuss weapon options. 

I travel a lot, and I consider myself to be careful. I don’t take unnecessary chances or tempt fate. I try not to look like a victim. And it is my fundamental belief that people are good, and that violence begets violence. 

I used to run a homeless shelter in Chicago in my younger days. I have been threatened in multiple ways, I have been in many dangerous situations. I can think of 3 times that I was actually hurt, and in each of those circumstances, I used violence. I might have had a superior attitude, I might have not been as kind as I could have been, I might have threatened to call the police. I was never physically violent but I was using my power to try to control someone. And that rarely turns out well.

The times when I was compassionate, the times when I tried to give someone what they needed or wanted, the times when I de-escalated a situation, those were the happy endings, and they were by far the rule rather than the exception. I did not display fear, and I offered kindness, and that takes care of a lot. 

Now does it always work? No. Are there “bad” people out there? Yes. I watch crime shows and the news. I know that the world is a dangerous place. I also know I don’t have the strength to win a physical altercation and that if I started wielding a weapon I would probably end up hurting myself. 

For me the most practical answer to safety is to believe that the person standing in front of me, in this moment, is good, and if I call upon that, if I believe that, I will be OK. The power of love overcomes evil. The power of goodness overcomes the bad. I have lived this, and I know it is true. 

So pray for me that I have safe travels, and that I might find the good, find Christ, in all people.

Daunte Wright. I am heartbroken and horrified at his death. 

As a police chaplain, I am careful what I say about this. There have been times that I have wanted to speak out, express anger, but then I think about all of the men and women who I have ridden with and talked to over the years here in Youngstown. They are such good people doing a very hard and dangerous job. Know how much I admire and value them and pray for them.

And there is a problem. Racism is a problem. Stereotyping is a problem. White supremacy is a problem. Cheap violence is a problem. Fear is a problem.

When I was in college I heard  Black man speak about how he felt when people saw him and locked their car doors. Car locks were more obvious back then. He expressed his horror that anyone thought he might hurt them. And I felt so guilty because that was what I was taught as a child. You drive into those “bad neighborhoods”, which is code for Black neighborhoods, and my Dad would tell us to lock the doors. 

When I walk now in Wick Park in the mornings, I say hello to everyone. But I am especially careful to greet any person of color. Not because I am afraid of them, but because I don’t want them to be afraid of me. I want them to know I am not dangerous or fragile or crazy or racist, and I will not do anything to endanger them. There have been too many stories about mean white women.

Fear is a problem. We have been taught to fear each other. And because of that we overreact, we jump to conclusions, we make bad choices. Most people are nice people, good, kind, generous, willing to help, wanting to be connected in community. There are some dangerous people, but the numbers are actually low. We just hear about them more, they make news. It has us thinking we have to be afraid when in fact we don’t. We have to give each other a chance. 

The problem is that the stakes are different. For white people, there is a danger of being misunderstood, feelings hurt. For Black people, there is a danger of being killed. It is not an even playing field. Our being able to be in relationship is literally a matter of life and death.

Well the Easter desserts are eaten, the leftover ham is in the freezer and the disciplines of Lent are a fading memory. It is always lovely when Easter is accompanied by trees flowering, cascades of daffodils and even a dandelion or two. Gets us in the mood for new life and new opportunities.

I also think this is a good time to do a little Lenten review. What did you accomplish through your Lenten work? Are there good habits that have formed? Did you like yourself better when you drank less? Are you fitting into your spring clothes after Lenten restraint? Are you missing the prayer time that connected you with God in a lovely way?  What worked, what didn’t?

I would offer that some things are worth keeping, or at least being more intentional about. I ate less meat in Lent, looked for Black-owned local businesses, and prayed daily the prayers you had written. Those were good things that I will continue to pursue. A few things were worth doing then but not now. That is the nature of Lenten practice. 

Clearly some of the things that helped us turn our lives around also contribute to a resurrection life. We want to focus on new life and joy, and being intentional can help us do that. What practices keep you positive, help you believe that with God all things are possible, help you to count your blessings??  You can let go of thinking of them as a chore and help them to become a blessing.

We are Easter people. How will you make that matter to you? How will you live it in the world with wonder and joy?