Recently I was at a training on Nonviolent Communication. When we think of violence we usually think of physical violence, but emotional violence has an even more insidious impact, and many times that is spoken. We call names a lot in our culture, and that is getting more and more brutal. We have to be careful about the spiritual damage we do to ourselves when we are violent to others.
However I have been thinking about the violence we do to ourselves. We do not take very good care of ourselves most of the time. We overwork. We don’t sleep enough. We worry. We eat too many carbs and drink too much of things that are not good for us. We are constantly evaluating ourselves against others—do I look better, am I smarter, am I nicer, do I have more overachieving children???? You can tell me you don’t do this, but on some level I would bet you do.
What I would like us to pay attention to is how we talk to ourselves. Not do you mumble about where you left the remote or yell at the radio news when there is no one else in the car. I am referring to how you refer to yourself. Example-when I was mad at myself I used to call myself cat-tastrophe. Get it? Last name Catinella? Clever right? Sometimes I was even more blunt, idiot being my preferred slight to myself.
At some point I realized that calling myself names wasn’t helpful. In fact, it didn’t motivate me, it just made me feel worse. I know when I have screwed up. What I need, from myself, is the belief that I can do better. And with God’s help all things are possible.
Now I don’t really call myself anything, but I do try to give myself positive messages and self talk. “You can do it. It will go better next time. You can feel appropriately proud of what you have just accomplished.” I try to acknowledge, usually pray for, other people who have helped me, inspired me, motivated me. In general I try to encourage my best self.
And it really does make a difference. I encourage you to pay attention to how you talk to yourself, how you refer to yourself, and make sure you are being as healthy and positive as possible. God resides within us, and we can engage God in helping us be a sign of love in the world. We have to love ourselves first though.