Month: October 2021

Yesterday I got to babysit my grandkids. Their parents participated in the pumpkin run in Akron and I got to be with the kids while they walked. We were there very early and it was pretty cold. So we went in search of hot chocolate. We found a coffee shop and warmed up, drank hot liquid with cookies on the side. People were coming in who were going to the run, and many were in costume.

Wouldn’t you know, in walked Spider Man. I thought the kids were going to fall off the chair. Timidly, with deep respect, they said hello. And Spider Man didn’t disappoint. It was clear he took his role as a super hero seriously, and he played it. He was a really nice guy, was kind to the kids, totally appropriate. They were smitten.

When we watched the start of the race and didn’t see him, the kids were despondent. We saw their parents, but it just wasn’t enough. We did see him at the end of the race, and the kids congratulated him. I had the good sense to get a picture, which was so nice of him. The kids continued to be thrilled.

Later, as we waited for the walkers to cross the finish line, he came and stood with us, talked to the kids some more, and waited for his friends. When he would wander off, the kids would want to know where he was. He even said goodbye before he left. He mentioned when we were chatting that he was amazed at the good he could do in the suit, how happy he made people. I told him I thought that was him and not the suit.

As I drove home and was replaying the wonderful morning in my mind, I thought about how little it takes to be a superhero. In fact, while a costume is handy, I don’t really think it’s necessary. You just need to pay attention, treat people like you care about them, and be kind. It isn’t magic, it’s holiness. And we are all capable of that.

This past week I moderated a discussion on ethics for the Association of Professional Fundraisers. I started my talk by saying that as we begin our stewardship campaign I feel as though I am one of them. I find myself talking about and asking for money more than I ever thought I would. And it used to really bother me.

I like to think I hold money lightly. I try to personally be generous, never ask for anything I wouldn’t support, only ask for what is truly necessary. Money is such a taboo subject in our culture. I try to navigate it carefully both personally and professionally.

When I first came to St. John’s and started visiting people, I noticed that there was some tension, especially the first few times I showed up in their homes. As the visit would come to the end, I would often hear, what exactly do you want? And I would say, to visit. Over and over again people expected me to ask them for money. I don’t know what the practice of previous rectors might have been, but I really like to just visit. Eventually people relaxed.

Now if you ask me what the church needs, I will tell you. The very nature of an old building and extensive outreach necessarily means that there is always a need for something. And people sometimes ask. But I have found that when there is a need, not a want but a need, God always provides in one way or another.

My own attitude toward encouraging generosity has also shifted. I have come to see what it means to people to give, to offer something of themselves. It feels good to be helpful, it is fulfilling. We need to give. In part because we recognize all that we have been given. In part because it creates in us a sense of righteousness and purpose. Being joyfully generous is holy.

It isn’t about guilt. God knows life is hard, finances are complicated, everything is expensive. If giving doesn’t bring joy, you should not offer the gift. But to practice being joyful when you give is a spiritual practice. As you discern what you will give to the church this year, I pray you are filled with joy and hope and excitement. This church is worth our generosity. Let’s pray for a blessed pledge drive!

This week we were having lunch with the Students of the Month at Taft. The wonderful school counselor was telling the kids upcoming events. It is Nonviolence Week in Ohio, and she was saying they were going to celebrate that by taking a pledge of nonviolence. Unfortunately the conversation shifted and I couldn’t explore this in more detail.

But I thought, how could you do that to a kid? They have no idea how hard this is. They have no clue what the implications are. Will they be taught conflict resolution skills? Listening techniques? Mediation? Breathing techniques for slowing the fight or flight response? This is a highly technical and complicated thing, and asking a Kindergartener to do that seems unfair. 

I confess what I am really having is a quasi-PTSD reaction to my own experience of taking an oath of nonviolence. I had a community of people I took it with to support me. I had a fairly robust life of prayer. I had books and inspirational examples of nonviolence to sustain me. I lived in a crummy neighborhood in Chicago and worked in settings where I had to constantly practice and challenge my commitment, I thought I was prepared to promise to be nonviolent forever. I worked at it.

But then I had children!!!!!!!!!!!! And I realized the naivete of a life long vow. Not only would I do anything to keep them safe, but I also regularly wanted to engage in corporal punishment. I had to examine other ways of being violent, like threatening and coercion. I had to come to terms with the violence in the programs we watched. I had to decide what toys I considered appropriate. 

(When my boys were in their tweens they submitted a written proposal on why they should be allowed to play video games and how they would minimize their negative effects on their lives. Most of their argument was socialization and social acceptance. I relented in light of their persistence and creativity.)

It takes deep intention to practice love to the extent that we will change our behavior for the good. Each stage of life presents its challenges. But maybe it is enough to desire it. Nonviolence is a practice, which means we keep at it and try to constantly improve. It is definitely a commitment that we all should make, a vow that makes us better and the world better. Go for it kiddos!!