This week we were having lunch with the Students of the Month at Taft. The wonderful school counselor was telling the kids upcoming events. It is Nonviolence Week in Ohio, and she was saying they were going to celebrate that by taking a pledge of nonviolence. Unfortunately the conversation shifted and I couldn’t explore this in more detail.
But I thought, how could you do that to a kid? They have no idea how hard this is. They have no clue what the implications are. Will they be taught conflict resolution skills? Listening techniques? Mediation? Breathing techniques for slowing the fight or flight response? This is a highly technical and complicated thing, and asking a Kindergartener to do that seems unfair.
I confess what I am really having is a quasi-PTSD reaction to my own experience of taking an oath of nonviolence. I had a community of people I took it with to support me. I had a fairly robust life of prayer. I had books and inspirational examples of nonviolence to sustain me. I lived in a crummy neighborhood in Chicago and worked in settings where I had to constantly practice and challenge my commitment, I thought I was prepared to promise to be nonviolent forever. I worked at it.
But then I had children!!!!!!!!!!!! And I realized the naivete of a life long vow. Not only would I do anything to keep them safe, but I also regularly wanted to engage in corporal punishment. I had to examine other ways of being violent, like threatening and coercion. I had to come to terms with the violence in the programs we watched. I had to decide what toys I considered appropriate.
(When my boys were in their tweens they submitted a written proposal on why they should be allowed to play video games and how they would minimize their negative effects on their lives. Most of their argument was socialization and social acceptance. I relented in light of their persistence and creativity.)
It takes deep intention to practice love to the extent that we will change our behavior for the good. Each stage of life presents its challenges. But maybe it is enough to desire it. Nonviolence is a practice, which means we keep at it and try to constantly improve. It is definitely a commitment that we all should make, a vow that makes us better and the world better. Go for it kiddos!!