I have been witness to the grief of several families recently. No loss is easy, it
doesn’t matter if it is sudden or expected. I am always grateful when families have
had a chance to talk about dying and death and all that implies. So often, people
put that off because it isn’t going to happen tomorrow. But truly, you never know.
Our bodies are not meant to last forever. And even if you are young, you just
cannot count on 50 more years.
So I encourage you, when there is relaxed and spacious amounts of time, when
you are not worried about saying the right thing, to ask a few questions. Here are
the ones I think are most important:
- what does quality of life mean to you?
- would you rather have your faculties or not have any pain?
- when is enough enough?
- how do you want your life to be celebrated?
There are no right or wrong answers to those questions, except maybe the last
one. As people have moved away from church life, they are less inclined to want a
full funeral service, and I hear more and more people saying their loved one
wanted nothing at all. Very hard to compromise with that position.
But here is what we need to remember, our funeral or memorial service is not for
us. Those who have died no longer need consolation, they are with their Loving
God, and know only joy. It is those of us who remain that need to support each
other in our grief. And do to that we need to gather. So understand that the right
answer might be anything, as long as it is something. For me, I want a spectacular
church service with beautiful music and a short sermon, I want to be cremated,
and I want my ashes dug into a garden. And I want, instead of a grave, to dedicate
in my honor a park bench in a place where people might need to rest.
Talk about this with people you love. It will make their lives, and your life, so
much easier when they lose you.